The Big O

The big O, not the little one. The one that signifies not something--not something in the world next to me; but one that is other in a way I can't understand--can't comprehend--can't master: O. Of course, the big O conjures other thoughts--phonetically it makes one think of something else--an experience so unique it also requires to be signified differently. The big O--Orgasm. The big O--Other. Is there a similarity here? Is there a hOmOlOgy, or are the two Other to one another?

Let's start with the big O--orgasm. And, let's restrict ourselves to the big ones--the memorable ones--or, better yet, the ones that stop memory and language and thought for a second or two or more. Let's only talk about the big ones. I dare to say the big ones require an Other. Auto-affection won't do it.

It is a process--a building--an unlocking--a revealing--preparing--trying--coalescing--moving--hoping--expecting--and all sorts of other things. You and I, going somewhere we can't talk about. Trying to take the Other to a place where they are Other to even their own self--to a place where their own self is obliterated into a shaking mess of non-language. Trying to take an Other to a place they can't go by their-self--to a place of non-selfhood that is somehow an experience of selfhood. Trying to reveal to them their singularity--their irreplacebility--in that moment--in that second--their singularity--their absolute uniqueness. Trying to unlock and open their self so they can have it--feel it--experience it--even if only temporarily, temporally. Yes, trying to make them cum so they can come--to come by cumming?

Vulgar? Perverted?

The Big O--both of them--you, standing opposed to me as one I can't comprehend, can't reduce, can't make my own. You are something in the world of which I am not master--something I don't know. I am something--something in the world I can't comprehend, and something I don't know, especially by mastery. Desire for the Other--for orgasm--for becoming one that is singular, non-objective, and irreplaceable--one that is eternal for having somehow escaped the temporality of solitude and the solitude of temporality even for a few seconds, moments, or hours.

You--Other--give me me. Me, your Other--I'll give you you. I'll give you what I don't have and receive a gift I know you don't own.

The Big O. I'll receive you. I'll try. I'll hope. I'll expect. Even if it never happens--if the cumming is no coming--the desire for it never ceases. Even if it never arrives, the big O, the big one, there is always trying--always hoping--always wanting--that is tragic and wonderful all at the same time.