Then one night when we had had some cold liquid and some smiles after closing hours at the Smoke-Filled Coffee Shop, I said, “Hey, why don’t you come watch a film with me at my house-by-the-sea? I am a nice guy, I promise.”
She smiled, ‘showing her cards’ right away. “I don’t know.”
So, I reassured her: “Don’t worry. It will be a vegetarian environment, I promise, no meat, especially no sausage.”
She laughed at this comment and then with a wink said, “Why not?”
On the way there, we walked along the boardwalk and listened to the waves. It was a brisk Autumn evening, one of those California days that turns into night really quickly. One minute you are sitting on the beach enjoying the warmth of the day, in the next the sun goes down and the wind rips right through you. The waves provided a pleasant backdrop to our walking—one that was loud enough to give us license not to talk. I could smell a bonfire in the air coming from down the beach somewhere, but there weren't many people around. The moon was bright. I could see the light bouncing off the water beyond us. The semi-hippy woman was a bit shorter than me. Not short enough that it was awkward to walk together; short enough however to make both of us feel comfortable. We didn't walk fast, but we didn't walk slow either. On the way there I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. Smooth.
For some reason my heart started to beat fast and I felt excited for no reason at all. I remember wishing that the moment would stop—standstill. I wished it wasn't a moment; that it was something different entirely. I remember thinking at that moment that moments are my worst enemy. I remember thinking how easy it felt to walk together surrounded by the crisp Autumn air, the waves sounding in the background, the darkness enshrouding us in a world only minimally lit by a few neon traces.
We went to my house-by-the-sea. I won’t tell about it now because I don’t feel like it. But, I will tell that we watched my big TV and that isn’t the only big thing she saw that night. Very smooth.
Ok, that is a lie. I would say that the only big thing she saw that night was my TV.
As we walked in the house I had to pick up some of my academic housemates coats from the floor. I am not sure why all of his winter coats were in the door hallway, but they were. She looked around a bit.
“What a nice place. This is amazing.”
“Thanks. I would give you the grand tour, but I think my housemates are asleep. Let's go into the kitchen. You want a drink?”
We talked a bit. She told me about her plans to travel in the summer time. I told her about what I thought of global warming. We laughed. We drank.
After a few gin and tonics, we collapsed on the couch and turned on the big TV. I wanted to say, “You know what they say about men with big television sets, don't you?” But I didn't think this would be smooth, so I didn't.
We watched a documentary about bears—bears that are dying in some woods that are disappearing somehow. She thought this was sad, so I thought it was sad too. After a few moments the semi-hippy woman relaxed into my arms. We were lying together. I could tell about the coconut smell of her hair and how it felt to enjoy her presence in this new way and how I was thankful to not be in my house-by-the-sea alone and how I thought she was a very nice person and how it was the first time I had such an experience in a long while and that when she dozed off a bit I thought to myself that she was a very precious gift to this world, sweet, lovely, and hopeful, but whatever. I was scared that she would feel my erection in the small of her back, so when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the dying-bears-documentary I tucked it into my underpants. Kind of smooth.
Before I went to the bathroom however, I said, “I am going to go to the bathroom and when I get back I am going to kiss you.” Smooth (?)
She looked at me with a forced smile. When I “took a leak” I actually pissed on my fake leather belt a little bit. This could have been because I had a semi-erection, or because I was excited/nervous to be laying on the couch with the semi-hippy woman. I suppose both reasons could be attributed to her presence. Nonetheless, I don't think she noticed that my belt had been battered by my own piss. When I returned, erection tucked away, we kissed a nice kiss. After a bit, we fell asleep on the couch. This was all very nice.
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