Episodes In, Out of, but Never Outside the Smoke-Filled Coffee Shop

After that old man died, I thought of him; I talked to him. It was funny--I talked to him in unexpected moments about unexpected things. I told him about the girl, and the play of the ocean, and the days. I don't know why--but I talked. I spoke. I expressed.

Did he respond? Of course not, he was dead. What are you crazy?

After that old man died, I couldn't bear the weight of reflection. Instead of thinking, I danced. Instead of figuring, I played. Goodness what a feeling--to lose yourself in the dance and to play in the play. Goodness what a feeling--to forget the burden of it all in the movement, the forces, the difference.

I sat with friends and laughed. I sat with friends and tried. We tried together. We never talked about trying together--that was the implicit part I guess; but we tried together. We ate. We drank. We laughed. We complained. We wept. This is life. This is trying. We all try our best, you know? What more do you want? You want me to swallow the ocean every day without drowning? Well, fuck you. I'd rather either drown, or not deal with the ocean.