No Wonder

It's time, isn't it? Time to write about something? To have something to say--something to write about. It's time--time to reflect, or interject, or enlighten. It's time to bleed all over the screen, through these fingers. It's time to throw up through the unseen networks that encapsulate us--tie us in--tie us together.

Time to write. But, after all this time--there is no writing. No bleeding. No regurgitating.

No feeling?

No trying?

No . . . what?


________________

I saw you today--saw you hurt. I saw you try. I saw you submerge and be overwhelmed. I saw you care, hope, and do your best. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I don't know how. I don't know how to be a good person. I guess, well I could try to save you. But, we both know that won't happen. We both know saving isn't something humans do. So, I am left with walking--with callous, despair, and a genuine lack of naivete.

Is there a third way? Is there a 'grown-up' way? Some way that 'adults' would do it?

I don't know. I am not sure I care. After all, to be an adult is to simply pretend you are no longer a child. Life forces this decision upon us. It isn't one we make willingly. But, it is one we should stay cognizant of. Being an adult isn't anything different than having to face the absurdity of breathing without admitting you have no idea about how or why or whence. Being an adult is nothing more than feeling your heart beat through your chest and not being able to stop long enough to let it completely disorient you. Being an adult is not having the time or desire to stop--to let the stars become yellow blurs, the trees strange silhouettes, and the cold evening air a jolt--a reminder--of both meaning and meaninglessness.

I'd rather do it the kid's way--the naive way--but, we both know that isn't allowed either. Why? Because we are neither creative, nor strong enough to be children any longer.

______

So, fuck it. No writing. No words. No bleeding. No saving. No wonder. That's right--no wonder is the no wonder there is no writing.